Welcome to New York! Well, New Jersey. You haven't even been to New York yet, have you? Even Jockey's new billboard welcoming you to New York is on the Jersey side of the Lincoln Tunnel!
How uncool is that?!
Right now, you're probably not even in New York. Knowing you, you're probably back out in California improving your throwing motion for this coming season. That's why we love you, Tim... that's why I love you... you believe in yourself! And, you're always willing to put in the extra work to make sure you're the best Tim Tebow you can be. That's awesome.
Sure, some may (accurately) say that my Tebowing created a change in the space-time continuum that led to you coming to the Jets. I couldn't argue with them if I wanted to. It's way more than science, Tim... it's fate.
Since you'll be new in town, and some of your teammates have decided to be Danny Downers, I think it's up to me to extend my services to show you the wonder that is New York City.
I mean, yes, sure, of course, we would have to do some of the touristy things... walk around Central Park, get your new sandwich at the Carnegie Deli, recreate the final scene from Sleepless in Seattle...
But, we can't forget some of the hidden gems of New York City... The Cloisters uptown, seeing an intimate set at The Living Room or Rockwood Music Hall, or re-creating that scene from Titanic on the ferry to Governor's Island...
You know, the kind of things that only real New Yorkers know about.
So, Tim, when you come back to town, let me show you around. We could totally be bros... you know, without the binge drinking. Straight edge bros! We would totally be awesome wingmen for each other talking up the ladies at Barnes and Noble. You could be all like, "I don't drink because of my religious beliefs." And, I would be all like, "Well, I don't drink either for much different reasons!" And, then, we'll do our awesome secret handshake. Those ladies don't even stand a chance!
Alright, here's the plan. E-mail me when you get back into town and we'll set a date to do karaoke... or bowling... no, we'll do karaoke! I bet you're an awesome bowler, Tim, and I don't want to embarrass myself
Can't wait to hear from you! Besties!